“Death, for purpose of rebirth”
An example of Universal guidance, no matter how dark it may seem.
The Universe couldn’t be any clearer.
I got stood down from employment today. I’ll “very likely” be officially dismissed on the 1st of December. For something that is voluntary, I haven’t had a choice in the matter, and so I’ve stayed true to what feels right for me. The consequences of that is loss of full time work, income, and causing a lot of stress and sleepless nights (a big deal for such a good sleeper).
Lockdown is hard. We’re in day 103 of it now. I think the first few weeks of it are really the hardest — constantly keeping up with updated rules, hoping that it’ll only be another week, but then it’s another two weeks, until the end of the month… Then eventually you just have no choice but to settle into it and dismiss the hope of freedom. I’m a strong person, I’ve worked through a lot of shit, spent 8 years on my spiritual journey, read a lot of psychology and mindfulness books and have ‘done the work’. But even this has absolutely rattled me and I haven’t really spoken about it publicly. Instead I’ve tried to surrender and listen to my intuition as best as I can.
And what I felt called to do, was to strip away every part of my ‘identity’.
I quit my job and moved away from the only place that has ever felt like home — the Gold Coast.
I took my hair extensions out, stopped wearing makeup, lost my lash extensions.
I deactivated my instagram account with an audience of 10k.
I removed all services from my website.
I stopped coaching.
Physically and mentally, I have been removing everything, either unconsciously like the physical aspects, or with a great amount of heightened emotion attached to it (god I have cried so much).
I journaled about this, trying to interpret what this stripping of identity meant, and I had the words strongly come through to me: “Death, for purpose of rebirth”.
So I pulled a card for further guidance.
“Underworld — The underworld is where we die and are reborn. It holds the fire of transformation.”
This was at the end of August.
Today in October, I was stood down. And it made me think “Silly me for trying to attach a new form of identity when I am going through a process of stripping down”. I don't know how long I expected it to last, but it was something I had put to the back of my mind. But this experience was a reminder that I am still going through a strong death of self. So today I pulled another card. And out of the 52, it was 'Death'. You'll always be given guidance and reminders should you seek it.
You can interpret the death tarot card intuitively and it's one that has always resonated deeply with me on my spiritual journey, because the way you interpret it dictates the way it makes you feel. The majority of the world would feel immense fear from a card of death, because traditionally we have been conditioned to be afraid of death and what it brings. But those with awareness know that with death comes new life, new beginnings, a fresh start. You think of the process of the phoenix, convenient the name I gave my horse who I have a deep bond to, how they go through a dramatic death in flames only to begin again and rise from the ashes.
The proper interpretation from this oracle deck says this: "This card signals that an ending, change or metaphorical death is currently happening or on the horizon. It may feel like the universe is stripping things away from you. You may feel shaken, raw and uncertain. This is okay. This period is a preparation for what is to come – new adventure and abundance is making its way to you and it needs space." [From the Threads of Fate oracle deck]
Being in the midst of my Saturn return may have a deep influence in this process I am currently experiencing (I just heard some of you who are familiar with the planetary position think “ahhh”) but fuck, this is all such an intense ride where all I can do is grasp for dear life (pun not intended) and surrender. All I can know is that I am being redirected onto my path, and that I must continue having anything else fall away until I am utterly bare. Things don’t happen to us, they happen for us. I’m sad and hurt and feeling betrayed and lost, but I know this is all part of the plan. If not this, then something better. I am clearing the way for something immense to come through, and I am so excited for it to come to life.
I'm sorry if I am quiet at the moment on @viewtomysoul, and to those who followed @caitlin.potts and looked forward to the content posted there (it has now been deactivated since July), but I'm sure the darling souls who do follow my journey will understand that this is an immense personal process and I cannot hold space for anyone but myself right now. My bio title stated "I have no desire to be known, only felt" and I can't express how true it is for me. I don't care for the number of followers I had, the free stuff I was getting, the lifestyle and events. I only wanted to have the platform to inspire those who watch, to provide guidance and teach what I personally learn. But even the 'desire to be felt' doesn't resonate right now as I can't provide positive, bright shining light as I journey through this chapter. I want always to be a positive influence and right now that light isn't there. I'm sure I'll have plenty to tell when the evolvement process has passed ✨🕊